life's heartaches

Last week I had the intention of sitting down and writing an entry but I just wasn't ready to put my feelings into words just yet. The emotion was still too raw and tangible.  I also wasn't ready to look for the pictures that went along with my feelings just yet.  In fact, I couldn't even bear to download recent photographs off my camera because I knew who I would see.  However, I was getting close, and smiles of great memories were beginning to become more common than the tears of loss.

And then Friday happened and I was pulled right back to that place of hurt and sadness and asking the question of why did this have to happen?  I sobbed all afternoon listening to the coverage, all the while fighting the urge to jump in the car to the elementary school to put my daughter back in my arms.  Gutted with the unimaginable thought of not knowing if my kids were safe, I couldn't fathom what  the families were going through.  And now instead of planning for the "most wonderful time of year", too many have to adjust to the sudden loss of the family they knew because the unthinkable has happened to their own children and family members.

This weekend as I  held my babies extra close, I wiped away many tears,  I also wished that holiday break was here so my kids didn't need to leave my sight. The rational side of me knows that schools are safe places and of course we all need to keep going,  but we also have been reminded that unthinkable things do happen.  Makenna didn't feel well tonight, had a low grade fever and I admit that I was kind of relieved that she may need to stay home from school tomorrow.  We could have a pajama day and I can love on her all day long.  Even if it's more for mommy, for once I wouldn't mind a little cold because that would transpire into a day for momma and her babies.   Either way, I know we have to resume our lives at some point and not live in that fear.

Almost two weeks ago on Tuesday, another day that started so normally but made a drastic turn.  Scott headed to a client meeting downtown, Makenna was dropped off at the elementary school and Rylan went to preschool.  I came home and while working on the computer I heard our older dog Cassidy throwing up. I attended to her immediately and with in a few minutes I knew something was wrong. Her eyes were empty and her body pretty limp.  I called Scott and told him something was happening to Cass and I wasn't sure she was in a good place.  I sat with her, petting her gently, telling her how much I loved her and what a good pup she was.  She put her face in my two hands and her breathing suddenly became quiet,  and soon she left this life and took her last breath, just moments before Scott got back home.

Playing and laying in the sun on the Sunday before she died

I'll remember her for so many things but the biggest is unconditional, loyal love.  She was a lover as most Goldens are and would insist on some pets by nosing her snout into your hand. On days where I was sad, she wouldn't leave me alone and insisted on helping me through the day by just being right there.  She loved walks and most recently enjoyed running the fields at the dog park.   Cassidy welcomed Abby into our home with ease and every night after the kids were in bed the two of them would play together and she bounced around with the agility of a puppy.  She tolerated the kids love, even when it turned into aggressive patting, tail pulling or riding her like a horse.  Her favorite game was to play hide and seek, and when the lost was found she would prance around in such excitement and thrill.  She is already missed so dearly and our home is certainly not the same.   The couch is empty and her favorite spot in the entryway remains oddly bare. We will always hold a special place in our heart for our Cassidy girl.

Rylan reading Cassidy a book "to make her feel better" just minutes before she died.

So in this time where people are running from mall to mall, I am snuggling up with what is really important to me...my family.  As December has shown us so far, life has and can change in an instant.  Here's to a quiet non incidental week as we all pray for peace for all those families affected by this horrible tragedy.

abundance of gratitude

Our thankful Thursday became one special weekend of gratitude.  Family sleepovers always lead to days full of love, laughs and relaxation.  After consuming a wonderful meal made by everyone at our table, we settled into a three day adventure which necessitated nothing but considerations of what to eat next and whether to lounge at the kitchen table or the living room couch.  Pure bliss, I must say.  

Thoughts of shopping crossed our mind but the idea of staying in our pajamas and continuing our relaxing days triumphed.  Our resident chef made us many good meals, the fire was kept lit and many bottles of sweet adult juice were brought up from Scott's cellar.   Ahhhh......

Friday morning little miss MC woke up with a cold and a fever so she spent much of the day on the family room chair cuddled up in her comforts but also close enough to share the day with the occasional burst of energy.  Auntie Marie brought us all doughnuts and shared in our day.

In fact we all did a lot of laying around all day.

But at night, once the kids were snuggled in bed, we brought out the game of monopoly and then we let the good times roll! ( Nice hair mom....lol..)  So fun!

Such an  awesome weekend and we are all so very thankful for these memories.  Now that the focus turns to Christmas I have a short wish list for the jolly man.  Another few days just like these, please!  

Thanks in advance, Santa Claus.  

all good

LIfe is sweet.

Life is amazing.

Life is ever changing.

We have one little girl who can pick up a book and READ and one little boy whose vocabulary and questions of the world continue to make us smile on a daily basis.  "I'm going to marry a turkey," he declares yesterday.  "A turkey?".." yes, a big turkey mommy, ok?"  Ok Rylan..whatever makes you happy.  And if that made him happy, so be it.

 She whose social calendar is one already a bit complicated and he who for the first time is asking for a playdate with a friend he made on his own at school.  To watch my children grow and embrace life is one of my biggest blessings.  They remind me how quickly life passes by and at the same time teach me to take hold of today, and live in the moment, embracing the uniqueness and genuinity of the here and now.  All too soon I'll be dropping her off at the mall with her girlfriends and taking him to all day school.

I've been thinking for a while on how to document our lives right now and it is very simple but yet complicated.  We love our little family...the busy, the crazy loud, the energetic clan that we are.  Each day we make decisions in the best interest for the four of us together and individually alike.  We trust our instinct, some things requiring a long range plan while other things are simple in the moment decisions.

Last week Scott celebrated his birthday.  The kids were counting down the days and they couldn't wait to celebrate their Daddy.  They know that birthdays are a big deal around here; celebratory days that are met with rainbows and magic and sweet surprises.  "What are we going to to do for Daddy's birthday mommy?  Are we going to have a big party?"   Although we opted out of the big party we made sure that Daddy knew how much he is loved and treasured.  And oh boy..is he loved.

Scott has a lot to celebrate.  Last month he opened the doors to a new opportunity and started his very own consulting company.  Check him out here...http://www.positionglobal.com  He is loving his new professional life which has already greeted him with success, and I couldn't be more proud of him.  Together we decorated his home office and as a family we have learned how to respect his need for quieter times and honestly, the kids are doing really well with not interrupting his office doors.  I think they are enjoying that he is home at night with a commute of seconds, and one that is not dependent on traffic!  We are loving that the worries and stress of yesterday are promises and hope for tomorrow. And even though we don't have a steady income for right now, we are ok, we are happy and we are oh so good.  Positive energy consumes our every day and it is such an exciting time for us.

On this Thanksgiving week, I couldn't be more thankful for my little family and the story our lives weave.  Our good health and love is one I will never take for granted.  I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you are surrounded by those that love you unconditionally and you enjoy a wonderful holiday.  xo Kelly

Halloween Fun

I have one child who is all about the candy this year, to the point where she just can't help herself from taking another piece even though she has been told she has had enough to cause tummy trouble.   And I have one who is happy with A sucker or A packet of m&m's.  And which one is now sick with a stomach bug?  :( Yep.  So not fair.

But before this little bug hit our home we had a wonderful and festive Halloween.  We started the day with celebrating in the kindergarten room where my mom and I partied it up in 5 year old fashion.  In fact I was so busy the only photo I took was this quick one!  M seriously has the best teacher and I couldn't be more happy with her education and she proved she also knows how to throw a great party.

After school Uncle Brad came over and we did a bit of T&T'ing with the neighbor friends.

One of the kids favorite things to do is to go back to our home and trick or treat.  Nana always acts so surprised to see them and they think they have just pulled one over on her.  LOL

Another highlight of every Halloween is coming home and enjoying a nice dinner together.  This year it was grilled cheeses, kale salad and baked potatoes.  Hope you enjoyed your day in some way!

Happy Monday

Is there anything better than playing all weekend?  The kind that certain things are scheduled in advance and other things are started with an impromptu text asking if Makenna and Rylan can come out and play.  And when there's just enough wiggle room to say YES, they can, and what are you thinking?  

So when Auntie/Grandma Marie sent out the invitation we jumped at the opportunity meeting her first thing Saturday morning at a small local zoo, Cosley Zoo.  She has been wanting to take the kids to see their newly acquired bobcats so we quickly got dressed for a fun morning outside that had the perfect amount of sunny Autumn chill.

Hello kitty...Doesn't he look like you can just snuggle with him? ;)

Their adoration for each other is so neat to watch.

  We then headed to the Wheaton Farmers Market  and after buying kale, apples and salted caramel marshmallows (so yum!), we settled in to watch the passing trains for the little boy in our lives.

After saying goodbye to Marie we traveled to my mom's church to drop off the kids to their halloween party and Scott and I enjoyed a night out.  (Thanks mom!! xo)

love.

 Sunday morning we woke up to another gorgeous fall day and the kids eagerly looked forward to the day we had planned.  Makenna's friend came over late morning and after lots of playtime and a lunch of chicken nuggets, tator tots and grapes we all bundled up and headed to downtown Naperville where each year they throw a large festive party outside with lots of games, inflatables and of course, treats.

A fun way to kick off Halloween Costume Fun!  And after such a great weekend, we are fulfilled and ready to start another week with of course a lot more fun on hump day. We wish you a wonderful safe and Halloween and are keeping lots of positive thoughts for those on the East Coast.

hello again!

We are here. We are good. Life is pretty sweet, and we have just been busy with lots of different things!  I have lots of stories to tell but first, our past weekend in photos.

 We have had several visits to different pumpkin farms and on Saturday we headed out to Cottonwood Farms where we indulged in apple cider doughnuts, cider, sweet potato fries and soaked in Autumn's beauty.

On Sunday our friend Dave shared his new pantoon boat with us.  As we strolled down the Rock River, we basked in the warm Fall day (it was in the high 60's!) and relaxed on the water.

 The highlight for all the boys, and pretty cool for all of us, was watching the freight trains cross over the train bridge.  Each time Rylan would hear the train horn from afar, he would shout..."a train..a train..another one is coming!!"  Let's just say Ry was in heaven!

spotting the train

and we did a bit of fishing.

 This handsome fellow had fun driving the boat himself.  The smile saids it all.

 Happy Fall Y''all.  We are certainly enjoying all that there is to offer in this special season.
#fallismyfavorite

Back soon! xo K